to plead

I'm nauseous. It's been like this all day. I have no idea how I am to stay in this place any longer.  I cannot stomach this life anymore. It's a dead life. There is patience and there is this.

 Inside my heart there are rainbows and joys and inspirations and Love. And it is so strange to be carrying all that around inside a dead girl's life.

  I am spinning in restlessness and all I want is Change. A patient asked me the other day what I would buy first with my imaginary lottery winnings.

Without hesitation : a plane ticket.

     I danced with Shiva tonight. And here is how it happens: I am desperate, I am calm, I am bored, I am hungry, I am nauseous. Repeat.
         I ache for nourishment and all that comes is bitter bile for the lack.

Tomorrow I will ask the trees for help. Maybe some familiars will appear.

  Please! Give me a vessel to pour the love into!