once magic

I think I was magic once.

Once, long ago, in the night, alone I would work out the design of time and infinity. I would watch the walls change shape and feel myself expand and float in the darkness.

I think I was magic once.

 Once, long ago, I would speak with the grasses and the trees and the animals. They would teach me songs and I would sing them all through my days.

I think I was magic once.

  Once, long ago, I knew the bliss of pure love.

Traces have stayed.
 Somewhere there is a lingering note of paradise still sounding like a faraway fading drum.

Seeking reconciliation, I have conjured strange and tripsy episodes in forests
 and rituals
 and discipline
and intoxication
and lovers.

Mostly, I am a liar.

I know what is the truth

But I am a weak light.

I am a lamp lit in the rain, leaking oil.

I am the false promise of potential.

Unmated queen, running fruitlessly along the comb.