empty

I spent today feeling good.  Sweet space.
   Not because of anything going my way especially, just because it's nice to be alive, or something like that.  All these worries and fears and disappointments that have haunted me lately are all still there, unchanged.  But I feel perfectly bouyant with them all around, being what they are.
     As I went to the train station after work tonight, to get on the same trains, to wait on the same platforms, to buy another bus ticket and ride the same route again and get off and walk the same streets home to the same little room.....well, I didn't want to go.  I felt like I was walking back into my little cage.  I don't feel despair about it so much as a rising understanding that I am really really not doing what I am meant to be doing.
                    When everything has fallen to quiet, I can hear the calling like a bell, or like a hum.

Dear sweet Sophia, please come close and lay with me.  Show me a clear vision.