the study

I am a healer.
I used to want to be one and I told people that is what I wanted to be. And I am still becoming.
Like all healers, sometimes I don't work. Sometimes I don't work for someone or for some situation or for some wounds.
Sometimes I am applied wrongly.
The thing about being a healer is that I contemplate medicines and healing paradigms, and one thing I have discovered is that wounds change things. They change people, plans, ways of being, ways of interacting. And these changes alter paths.
   No-one walks a straight line.
As a child, I would nearly delight in injury and illness as it gave me the change to learn about the healing process.
    That is innocence.

Later, I hoped there was a way to undo injury. In culture, in history, in the heart, in the body, in the mind.
   But healing is not erasing.
In one way that is a tragic understanding, in another way, it is interesting and exciting.

   As Life progresses, the real understanding that injury creates eddies and obstacles that keeps the river crooked is one that I struggle with.
   It's not often beautiful and it often has no happy solution.

   So many of the people I have walked along with and so many of the situations I have given myself to have wounded me in ways that heal, but have created scars that have permanently created a bend in my river. Maybe love wounds, but probably it doesn't. Probably it is confusion that wounds, selfishness, pain reactions, blindness. And on and on the cycle goes.
   So far this is all I know.