come

Looking out the sliding doors onto the balcony is a view of the sea and mountains just beyond that. This place is tucked into a steep hillside near a place where the sea comes in from two sides. The drive up here is on narrow winding roads that only motorcycles can turn on. The rest of us pray there is no one oncoming as we drive.

It is autumn, late autumn. And the days are short. But somehow it fails to depress. The days are chilly and the nights a bit more so, but just enough for a jacket. I have little money left and no definite option for making enough to pay my bills. I'm trying anyway. If I run out, then I will adjust.

Walking out at dusk to see city lights below and climbing a stone staircase at the end of the drive down to a park and series of trails through the bush, and sunny mornings with rosemary and borage growing in the gardens, it is in these moments I can realize this is a beautiful moment in my life. This chapter is fraught with tears and some peril, there are risks and sacrifice. But the beauty, the magic of not knowing how next week will go or even tomorrow.....it is gorgeous.

Wellington. I wished it, I got it.

And, it will end. Maybe next month, maybe next year, maybe far beyond then. And probably in tears.

But not today. Today is the beginning. The shivering, shaky, hesitant, blind beginning.

Kisses and hugs. I want you here. I imagine you sitting in the passenger seat as I drive you up the tiny twisty roads to my home. You stand next to me in the back yard which is higher than the roof as we gaze into the sea.

Come. Please.