it's my life

Every morning I wake up. That's my routine. Sometimes at dawn, usually after...almost never before. After that, I let myself choose whatever. I get to choose to be to work on time or early, or late. I get to choose what to have for breakfast, or whether or not I have any at all. I don't even have to go to work if I don't want to. I could walk away from everything tomorrow and go live in a box if I wanted.
I'd say most of the time I ignore this truth. So do most of the people I encounter every day.
Further, if I embraced this idea, I could consciously direct my life and choose to feel pretty good much of the time. Awareness. It's a energy-consuming choice. At least in the beginning. I've never taken it farther than that, so for all I know it could be a breeze after a while.
Underneath this, I feel a large part of why I decide to fill my life with "have-to" and "I have no choice" is the sheer weight of responsability. It's all good when I take conscious control and make a good decision. But I like blaming other people and circumstances for my "failures".
Even worse, what if I set some beautiful goal and work for it and it still doesn't happen? What if I make my best effort and I fail? The idea of exhausted possibilities frightens me more than anything.
People believe they have time. They tell me that I have time. I always feel they're mistaken. In my experience, I sense time moving like water. And I never have it, I only feel it.
How about you? How much time is yours?
***********************************************************************************
I was thinking about teleporting the other day. If we ever figured out how would there be a lot of teleport traffic? Would people still get murdured? If you could just disappear out of arguments or whatever where would that put us as a species?
Maybe it's possible you could be daydreaming and get it confused with actually being there and disappear during work or school or god forbid, sex. Just a thought.