grandma's house

I'm not sure if it's the endless cloudiness and cold, or the vivid dream time, or the daunting prospect of moving to another country again, this time with significantly less security......but I have been pushing away a sense of homesickness I have literally never felt before.

I am craving something that cannot be had. The new is rushing in to my life without effort now, it could be that the way to find equilibrium is to find a deep appreciation for my roots.

I can feel the Michiganders beginning to settle in for their winter, Halloween parties are happening, Thanksgiving plans are solidifying, the sound of central heat clicking on in the night is becoming regular. I can sense that feeling of being dressed in bulky coat inside a warm car navigating snowy roads. I can remember how the dogs smell like snow when they rush into the house from playing in it. Dogs. Jesus Christ. I can write no more