Great South Land

You have been my Hell
  My prison
My dark night, cold and endless
  You have teased me with unattainable potential and demanded more than I could give.
    I have cursed you and lied for you
Hated you and tried
  Tried hard to love your beauty
So much beauty.   You are like the supermodel whose toilet I've had to clean and whose self-absorbed stories I've had to endure.  
      Your proximity to paradise kept me bound, and a debt to fate. 

                  And now, you have transformed everything!
                               You are my freedom
                               You are my peace
You are the long forgotten dream of my mother made into her granddaughter's fortune.
   It was twilight consciousness that lured me to your shores
                                   I am awake now,
                                     And a different kind.
  
 
    

 

homeward bound

Sometime around 8 or so hours from now, 36 years ago, my mama delivered me into the living breathing material realm.  Thanks mom.
    It has been such a lovely life and it keeps getting better.
Today, I realized a dream I have been working toward since 2008.  Every star I wished on, all the sacrifices made.......
   From putting the house on the market, only to watch the market crash, dealing with banks and government for 2 insane years, to end in total loss anyway.......to selling and giving away everything, saying goodbye to my babies....only to have to leave paradise after a year with my heart completely broken.  Then Sydney.  Stress.  And to working longer hours than are possible, stuffing myself into a box far too small and building something like contentment from that.  But it always looked more like waiting.  Waiting for freedom to make it back to her.  The only place that has ever felt like home.
   On this birthday, the one I knew would be most magical of all those so far......
I was in the shower and the thought crossed my mind that maybe my residency would be granted today.  And I thought immediately that that was impossible.  I was dreaming.  But if it did happen, if it were to be true, then I would know for sure without doubt that I was magic, that it was all true what I hoped about the world and my path.  And then she told me, on the phone, that yes I had permanent residency.  And for sure I know the Universe is shining her bright face on me.  I am warm and healed.

Free At Last

    Someday soon I will belong again to that green island, for good this time.   Heaven isn't too far away.  

coyote

I had already been working with him for a few hours yesterday, when the radiologist, in his soooooper relaxed way, askes me "How are you?"  He was serious too.  Not like, "please just say fine and be done with it"
    So, I tried my best to find the most honest answer.
"Weird"
   It was honest, but.......
   God, don't folks love a clown.  When I am clown, it's generally because there is a disturbance inside or outside (is there a difference?) and that's how it has always expressed.  Maybe sometimes it's been a mirror for the audience, maybe it's been release valve, maybe it's been the spoon to stir the pot.  I've let it be, I've loved it and I've worn the expectation when it doesn't show up on cue.  And I've watched it settle down in recent months and years when I'm over the way it stops people from taking me seriously.  Paradox.  
    That bit is so the funniest thing of all the things.  To not be taken seriously is a sort of cover.  Fine.
       Serious is seriously over-rated.

   Coyote Mother, I am so thankful to be birthed into your pack.  The more coyotes are hunted, the greater their population grows.  When coyote habitat is destroyed or changed, the coyotes adapt and persist.  I've seen them appear as foxes and as wolves.  And as ghosts.