Artemis hunts

I've been attempting to write for days.  Nothing sticks. 
  My objective to make as much money as possible to pay for my visa fees hasn't been going off as planned.  I am ready and willing to work....prepped, poised.....and then it's just flat. 
  What I have realized is that I have made my schedule available pretty much only for work.  When I have been getting time off recently, there is nothing else for me to put into that time.  Most of the things that I could do, including taking trips into nature, will cost me.  And I feel so delicately about spending anything on non necessities.   So I have been resting.  Practicing yoga and the lemniscate. 
 
And last night I danced.  For hours, in a large open wooden floored space.  With Kate holding space.  
  And a leo friend showed up as well.   Which was so great to me. 

Just being in Kate's presence brought back something....intangible and sacred and enlivening.  
  It IS about work at this moment.  It is certainly not holiday.....I have required much of myself.   And I'm happy to meet the challenge.  
However.
  At the finish of the dance, on the floor absorbing it all, I found myself appreciating the opening in my schedule, the momentary lack of work to make room for the healing I need.  I found that it was the simple balance of asking for support for what I need and then trusting what is given and making best use of it.  
   Therein lies the magic.  The marriage of the profane and the sacred, the mundane and the holy. 

As I danced last night, I found that within the limbs of my body and the stretch of my skin came the dance inherent in the practice of yoga I have been gifted.  I experienced a grounding in the twists and turns and folds and stretches and undulations that has been infused over time and discipline. 
  Alchemy.  
It brought back the sense of freedom I experienced as a child running and swinging and jumping, sweat curling and tangling my hair, everything alive and responsive. 
I am quite keen to add this wildness to my practice as the mixing of all the carefully measured ingredients. 
   Joy.
Is.
Back.

 

Shaking

Emotional. 
  I have recently recovered from a pretty bad bout with the flu, today was my first yoga practice where I felt good and strong and back in my body. 
   And then this afternoon,  I have come up against some other infection in my head, right side, achy and feverish.  

On top of that, the energy in the flat has taken a thick uncomfortable turn. 
I am sitting processing all of it, the pain in my body and tears come.  But softly.  And silently.  And then they evaporate.  
  I am not in a supported environment.  
And, I begin to slowly realize just how unhealthy this might be for me. 

I just had a week on my own and.....hmmm.
     Its not anyone else's fault.   Its just a matter of what to do, what I can do.  What's the best thing to do? 

And I don't know.

 
  I've had the thought that I could use some alone time in the wild.  This could coax the voice.

But do I have time for a moment alone in the wild? 
     I must.