bones and teeth
I have been thinking about this blog today, just moments that flash into the background of my day.....the past posts, the past life.
There is a delusional part of me that likes to believe we could return to some past life moment just like some part of me thinks somehow I will work out a way to see myself in actual reality, not just in a mirror or photo. The limiting truth is that I will never really know what my back and butt look like in 3D, like other people can. And I cannot go back to any part of my past. At all.
It's so weird to me that I am the one to live in the body, to experience it, to be it's handler, to merge together so completely and yet I never get to really see it. Only everyone else can.
Moving on. At first, settling back into my life in Sydney felt ok, if strange and new and wonderful and bright. Like coming home all brand new.
But now, after a week, I feel like I am trying to wear the old shoes and the old clothes and they just do not fit right.
The old life served a purpose for me somehow, but now I can feel deeply how it isn't really mine, it's just what was available.
But I trust now that this new calling will meet me with opportunity to answer, just like the old calling did.
I told a friend tonight, that it wasn't so much like letting go of the wheel of my life, but realizing I am forever driving partially blind, and I have to listen to the knowing voice who can see much better than I....turn left, slow down, stop.
What are the resources available to me? What are my real options? How can I best use them to follow the path of my highest purpose?
And!
A lesson I shall not soon forget....just because it is the heart's path, just because it is the highest purpose, it does not mean it will be easy or smooth, or that really hard decisions won't have to be made about what can stay and what must be let go of.
I feel that every happy ending only leads to another test, which leads to further growth, which may lead to another happy ending.
And so the larger, over arching idea is to find peace within that ebb and flow.
Not only wishing for another sunny day.
At this junction, my cynicism is at an all time low. I feel like I have tested it's foundations and found them rotten. And instead I am resting in the synchonicity hammock of trust.
Wow.
There's some metaphor chaos.
I think I can go to sleep now. Hurray.
My deepest love and brightest smile to you, dear past. I carry you in my cells, you are my bones and teeth.
There is a delusional part of me that likes to believe we could return to some past life moment just like some part of me thinks somehow I will work out a way to see myself in actual reality, not just in a mirror or photo. The limiting truth is that I will never really know what my back and butt look like in 3D, like other people can. And I cannot go back to any part of my past. At all.
It's so weird to me that I am the one to live in the body, to experience it, to be it's handler, to merge together so completely and yet I never get to really see it. Only everyone else can.
Moving on. At first, settling back into my life in Sydney felt ok, if strange and new and wonderful and bright. Like coming home all brand new.
But now, after a week, I feel like I am trying to wear the old shoes and the old clothes and they just do not fit right.
The old life served a purpose for me somehow, but now I can feel deeply how it isn't really mine, it's just what was available.
But I trust now that this new calling will meet me with opportunity to answer, just like the old calling did.
I told a friend tonight, that it wasn't so much like letting go of the wheel of my life, but realizing I am forever driving partially blind, and I have to listen to the knowing voice who can see much better than I....turn left, slow down, stop.
What are the resources available to me? What are my real options? How can I best use them to follow the path of my highest purpose?
And!
A lesson I shall not soon forget....just because it is the heart's path, just because it is the highest purpose, it does not mean it will be easy or smooth, or that really hard decisions won't have to be made about what can stay and what must be let go of.
I feel that every happy ending only leads to another test, which leads to further growth, which may lead to another happy ending.
And so the larger, over arching idea is to find peace within that ebb and flow.
Not only wishing for another sunny day.
At this junction, my cynicism is at an all time low. I feel like I have tested it's foundations and found them rotten. And instead I am resting in the synchonicity hammock of trust.
Wow.
There's some metaphor chaos.
I think I can go to sleep now. Hurray.
My deepest love and brightest smile to you, dear past. I carry you in my cells, you are my bones and teeth.
posted by hymenoptera's honey at 4:26 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home