the death by strangulation of christianity

Not that I was ever planning on it, but I'll never go to South Dakota. Maybe I'd be willing to fly over or drive through if I had no choice (and luckily I do have a choice!). The whole state is off my love list as of today. Plan for at least 800 unwanted babies to be born there this year. This is why.
My own state of Michigan tried to ban a large percentage of abortions this year, but the action was blocked, hopefully for good. Maybe next we can expect a ban on divorce and dreary days. Why not make imperfection illegal on all fronts?
Better yet, let's ban abortion and condoms, eliminate sex ed, and watch our communities blossom! Then, in about 30 years abortion will not only be legalized, but enforced.
I can just see all the christians lining up now to adopt the unwanted babies born in South Dakota. Or maybe not, perhaps they are hypocritical pieces of shit behind white picket fences and fake smiles.

mortgage lane

So it seems that process of coming to realize my true self and my relationship to the realities of the universe is kind of a real goose chase.
Simply, I have discovered how inadequate my attempts are. I realize I am a liar. Further, I hear everyone else as liars too. I manipulate or attempt to manipulate with virtually every single word that comes out of my mouth. Even now, my mind is trying to congratulate itself for this realization and dropping the whole subject.
I am nearly completely unaware of the various ways that I do this manipulating. Mostly, I get caught up in the fact that the person I am speaking with is manipulating me and I try to manipulate them into simply telling the truth, all the while neglecting my own shortcomings. Meanwhile I am also denying any feelings coming up during the exchange. I think I am acknowledging the feelings, but truly I am just using anger to further manipulate. I realize this later, sometimes a couple minutes or sometimes hours later. DAMN IT!!!! I did it again. Now I can see how deep this rabbit hole goes.....wait, no I can't, but I have a good idea of the first drop. But I am wanting to accept myself as I am in this moment, realizing I do not need to change to be complete, to be whole. What a mess!
An average person would likely see me as insane for all this, which is absolutely true, they might say i should just forget it and be normal. Try to focus on vacation or new cars or interesting television shows. But, I kind of feel it's too late for that. I can't go back now without some prescription drugs, which I can't afford. Which brings my mind right back to a belief I have constructed that I am a mistake. Rich people should have dilemmas like these. People who can afford time off work, if they even need to work. People who can afford yoga class and meditation class and drugs. That's a funny victim belief. Poor me, I can't afford drugs. Also, I don't think money would make this journey easier. And, compared to many people, I am rich.
Whatever. See, I get lost in pointless beliefs.
Right now, I need to go to work. Continue this journey down mortgage lane.

So, I ordered 90$ worth of baby chicks today. Not all for me, but lets just say I won't be skimping on eggs for long. If bunnies really did lay eggs that would be sweeeeeet. Furry cute fuzzy bunnies laying eggs.....what kind of a world.........
I'm so over this winter bullshit.
All this weather craziness has me thinking about possible season switcheroos. Like maybe we'll get summer before spring, then fall, then spring, then winter for a whole year. Good lord that would be nuts. Do you think there's still time? I don't. Time to change I mean, time to reverse the damage done.
"Do what feels good" has never made more sense than right now. Seriously. We may not get the chance for world war trois. Or something.
Last time my birthday fell on easter was frickin horrible. I was 17 and I thought my best years were over. Truly, the worst years were. Goes to prove I don't know shit about anything.
beaming love right out of my belly from a quiet cranny on earth,
f

hey sweetheart....
it's been a while hasn't it? I haven't missed you because you've been in my heart the whole time. How bout that?