shitstorms of nonsense

i
will wake from this nightmare
of a dream.

agreeing with a side

disagreeing with another.

i
will remember myself as a breather
and dancer (before dancing was labelled)

i will love you long and
leave you longer
and whatever you wish after that
will be
nothing
as far as my eyes can see.

i
am humbled to know, (and astonished) that
a fable of love whispered or shouted
will cause my blood and bones to vibrate
a truth
that will arrange a reality for me.
(for anyone else i can never know, but that is not the business of reality anyway)

i
can wish for soft and kind
and sweet
and stable.
forgetting death stalks everyone,
and that stalk changes each of us
in ways
unpredictable.

i
may as well
love that eternal friend.
we may as well be lovers.
i am hers anyhow, anyway.

i
will wake up tomorrow even closer to her
i
am making attempts at risking
the loss of everything
for me.

i
am not yours.

i have no belonging. not to a land or a family or a tribe or a lover or to magic.

     i am not even mine.
i
am not even.
i am not.
i