I am not immune to the hopes and dreams that have been named as mine, I am still star struck by them and in love with them.
  But I now wake up in the middle of a day that is far from those dreams, those aspirations, and I feel content. It's like there is a lover softly playing the notes of my heart or a soft cat purring in my lap or a breathtaking sunset over an ocean and I am compelled to stay, to sit still, to absorb the calm.
    The moment will change, as moments will always do, and I will be off turning again with the world, on Her way to another day.

It is perplexing to me, even as I feel the fuzzy warm calm seeping into my brain, that I could feel so inexplicably good and peaceful when my life has taken turns I feared to contemplate.
  But here it is.
This morning I found myself in a yoga workshop, learning new things from my teacher and loving the time with my body.
   
  Where is the joy to be found?
In secret corners of the universe, unexpected moments and unplanned perversities.
    What causes us to put one foot in front of the other, to draw a new breath?
The mysterious mystery.
   

It's a long life, and short and full of pain and as beautiful as anything we know of.
  And I miss every one of you I have held, and will miss you everlong as life is. And maybe longer.
Maybe I will dream of you in 6 lives. I will wake and wonder at women around a fire, about scuba diving in Sydney, about a language of poetry and dance and idiom of liver and lion.
  I will wonder maybe as I lie next to you and fall back asleep, known to me again as lover or mother or child.
  And maybe we can never know and perhaps that is the greatest gift of the gods we could imagine receiving...the not knowing, the wonder.  The Wonder.
   The Wonder.
The
Wonder
 I wonder of you. I wonder about you. And for as long as this life is, whether it stops at my last breath or continues to infinity, I love you, my love is shifty and imperfect and ungraceful and wild and full and haunts my every breath, my every move. And I love you with the love the gods gave me, filtered through a thousand layers of soil and light and sin.