pretendocity

This separation between childhood and adulthood is complete bull shit. I'm just saying it. There is no good reason to separate the states.
  You start off playing as natural course and everything comes from that, learning, joy, freedom, expression, communication, building, language, whatever. And little by little this fucked up idea of what is appropriate adult behavior is introduced until the poor individual has lost completely the ability to play at all and makes a perfect...whatever it is we become.

     Domestication.

Not the kind that teaches us how to respond compassionately or to carry responsibility or to make and maintain deep, meaningful relationships. Not the kind that teaches how to care for the self and another, how to navigate emotional states, how to manage loss and success, how to develop the self in the community of others....not that.
 
  But the kind that keeps us afraid of ourselves and afraid of others, that makes us need to control, that teaches us to use coping mechanisms that close off creativity and healthy expression in favor of keeping the horrid status quo of suffering and obedience. It's the kind that teaches us pretentiousness, unworthiness, helplessness, dependency, isolation.

     We are tempted to give up playfulness in order to gain respect. We are enticed to exchange freedom of expression for acceptance and approval. We are convinced to let go of openness and honesty to  acquire power.

  Fuck that. There IS NO SEPARATION BETWEEN CHILDHOOD AND ADULTHOOD.

        No one ever grows up. We just grow.

   Quinceanera, bar mitzvah, graduation. Fuck all of it. Domestication tricks.

to run

Maybe I've never been running from anything. Maybe that question is a question that the domesticated ask the wild.
  It could be that I have always been expressing the latent human aptness to journey, to voyage, to wander, to ramble, to NOMAD.
   The question I'm always wanting to ask is "why aren't you moving?" "why are you always staying in the same place?" "how can you be so still?" 
   I, seemingly paradoxically, am desperately in love with and connected to and attached to place. Places. While I am always leaving them. Often, I love the places even more than those people who stay put.
    But, isn't this just part of being human? Am I not a species meant to connect deeply and become intimately aware of place and environment and yet also meant to move, adapt and connect to new environments?
  What if there hasn't ever been anything wrong with me at all? What if only that question was wrong....."what are you running from?"
    I have been born to a family and a culture that has felt foreign to me and I have been trying to re-create a natural, wild, world around me after it has long disappeared. It has looked bizarre and felt like chaos...because I have no idea what I'm doing. And why would I know? But the not knowing and the strangeness itself cannot be absolute righteous indicators of a wrongness.
  I am a Malamute, carrying remnants of wild lupine genetics in a world of Labrador Retrievers.
  Of course it looks like I'm running.


"The eagle never lost so much time as when he submitted to learn from the crow" ....William Blake.

 I'm saying it.  I'm only part domesticated.