real faery tail

    The magical story of friday.

          Deep well of Venus has snuck in under my armour and shot her arrow into my centre.   

She of the Faye stood before me, wild rainbow hair blazing and crumbling into vulnerability.  She collapsed and wept.  

       I held her belly in my hands and sang her the warrior's song.

   She held up a mirror to me.  And so slowly I absorbed the truth.  I remembered those things I had buried in the name of survival.  

   Her lover then arrived, doing what I did not, abandoning what I could not.  And I collapsed in the face of the truth.  

   There I was, seeing my choice to deny Venus for the first time in my life in favor of Athena.  

  As I was on the ground weeping, the Oracle came.  She held me close to her like a daughter and took me to a cave where she buried me and resurrected me.  My eyes burning from tears and my manipura burning from transformation, I returned to find a feast of sweet things from the Clown.  

    He promised to deliver me my wish.  But the coyote speaks bent truths and trickster tales.  I know.

                 I am from his tribe.  

 The woman of the Faye came to me once more, staying behind with me a moment as her lover walked ahead.  She implored of me advice of how to cope.  How could she open back up the heart which she had tucked away in safety?  

    "Please", I told us, "do not be numb".  "Be fully present.  Even when it hurts.  You got this."   

fastidious

I am bored bored bored bored.

It's like I woke up this afternoon to find I've got no crayons to color with.
It's like I woke up this afternoon with the same damn thoughts swirling around in circles that have been swirling for the past 32 weeks. Straight. It's like I woke up this afternoon.
It's like I woke up.

So what now?

Is this that thing I do where dust off my jeans, stand up from an unfinished project and look for the next thing to sink teeth into? I mean, for sure I have been charging like a freight train through this tedious Australian obstacle course. And for sure I am frustrated by the wheel spinning purgatory incarceratousness. And by frustrated I mean totally over it about a year ago.
So I thought.

Yup, I'm nearly at the top of the hill, or at the bottom. I can't tell yet.

Permanent Residency visa is on it's way. I've given my absolute complete serenity to my workplace.

One thing remains. Nrtta Sadhana.

Pfft.

Love = disturber of the peace


ok, so now watch the Ram do what she knows best to do. Ram. Right through the fence, gate, door. What did you think these horns were for anyway?

visa

Visa was my mom's nickname for me when I was a kid. Still is I guess. How appropriate.
Did she intuitively know about my years to come of immigration fun?
Well, of my 35 years, I suppose I have to be honest and say the visa years have been only 10%. But god, they FEEL like an epic 20 year trek across the surface of Mars. But, Mars is the planet of the warrior and to engage governments' immigration departments is as good warrior training as any.

The process of obtaining a visa that allows one to not just visit but to live and work in a country is twofold. First there is the mining of all past relationships with teaching institutions and taxing institutions and employing institutions and family relationships and more. Record mining. The rule is that when you've mined and sorted every possible piece of relevant and irrelevant material, then you will be asked for some more. This generally involves asking others to join the mining process. Often the mined articles cannot be accepted as offered and must be assessed. This costs. Which brings us to....
The second part is treasure hunting. Because the cost of obtaining this golden sparkling visa is high. There seems to be an effort to set the price at exactly three times what a common person should imagine it's cost might be and/or double the amount you think you can come up with.


All of these recent years of this process are steadily heading toward one thing. That is Aotearoa.
And all it takes is for me to look at one photo of her and to fly there in my memory and when I am smelling her and feeling her and drinking her in, I know there is no stopping or turning around. Like George McFly famously said to Lorraine Baines...."I'm your density. I mean, your destiny."

New Zealand, I'm your destiny. :)