An inner world is becoming more brightly lit.

What is the magic that allows tension long held in the body to just fall away? In place of the tension is a hum, a low buzz of relaxed energy.

Ah! I knew it was there all the time. I felt like I could uncover this glowing sense of vibrancy if I put the right effort in.

There was that dream I had a long while ago that I was given a young foal as a gift. She was small enough for me to lift into my arms like a newborn calf.
We were on green grass, near the edge of a large open area. The feeling inside me in the dream was that I had been given the absolute deepest wish of my heart, my soul. There was absolutely nothing else in heaven or earth that I longed for more. The joy of that dream brings me to tears even now.

The Sufi book I am reading "Catching the Thread" mentioned last night about the worldly job one holds while going through deep inner transformation work.
And the job was meant to be mundane and not exciting so as to not distract from the inner work, and to allow the student to put her energy inside rather than an external endeavor.
And I can appreciate the sort of monkey work I am doing. What a relief that I can relax into knowing that when I am ready, more fulfilling outer work will come. I have struggled with a feeling of desolation in my career.
Often I can see that procrastination is a wise action from a deep place. Part of us, that feels a need to meet expectations and outward goals, gets frustrated and punishing that we do not do this or that.....I have often become angry with myself for not doing something that I think I should be doing only to realize later that it was wisdom. That the time was not right for that action and that putting it off came from a deep place of knowing. In this way I am beginning to trust the intuition within over what comes from elders or teachers. Or, I feel I am developing a sense of whether their advice and experience is applicable to me in the way it is put forward.

I can feel the hive in my body. I am holding processed and unprocessed nektar within me.

early morning

Yoga Practice.

I am told that the benefit of early morning practice is that, while the body is stiff, the mind is most clear.  Oh, the things the experts say.
  I generally have some sort of crude autopilot mind so early.
Anyway, here's the stage...

It's dark in little Italy. There is a cafe that opens at 5, and some relaxed folks are gathered around tables on the sidewalk drinking coffee.  There is an old man, who moves at one pace, which could best be described as a crazy shuffle jog...he is wearing large gum boots that jangle with every step, and he wanders about the sidewalks, into the street, like a fly in late autumn zigzagging around.  He does not wait for traffic lights to cross busy intersections, instead he unbuttons his shirt and waves it over his head as he shuffle jogs across the road.  People approach cautiously in vehicles and always stop.
  I  make my way down the sidewalk past language schools and bookstores and cafes and doctor's offices and massage/pilates/yoga/physio clinics, cafes, bridal shops, chemists, fat loss centers, cafes.....and I reach my destination.
  A smallish studio populated by only my teacher, usually.
She sets things up while I take off shoes and set down bags and find my money.  I pay her, I go upstairs to pee, and I return to grab a couple blankets and mat to keep handy for relaxation at the end of practice.
  Then I start.
Facing the wall, I silently begin warm ups.  No problem, these are etched into my body.
  But when the sequence begins that I have decided to work with that day, I am suddenly in a new reality.
I am naked.  On most levels.  I have not built up the usual mask I wear maybe, or intellectual memory is still sleeping or something like that.
  My teacher is silent, watching me, and I try to keep in myself focus to the practice.  Another student or two might appear after a little while and start themselves.
  Maybe I am so sensitive in the morning so early, as this is generally the vivid dream time, moments before my alarm wakes me....
  In a way, I am dreaming there facing the wall.

At some stage, always a different one, she comes to adjust me, to correct me, to interrupt a flow I may have been on.  In this sensitive dream state, it is like I am a spinning top on the ice.
  Sometimes I am cheerful about it, sometimes I nearly burst into tears, often I am bewildered.
Naked.
I begin Wednesdays standing exposed in a way only the body can be revealing.  In ways I can sense, but not fully appreciate.
  When it is over, I walk 10 minutes to Raggamuffin to listen to sweet music, eat a home steam-baked delicious muffin and have a flat white.
  Much has changed in me since I first began these sessions.  And nearly all of it is hidden to my conscious mind.  
  Much has not changed that I consciously keep tabs of.  This is the way of this delicate dancing art.  It is called Chaya Shadow for a reason.
  Only by observing the shadow can we come to light.